What We Can Learn About Our Emotions and How We Grieve From Our Human Design Chart

There is no doubt that Human Design gives us a unique take on understanding our emotions from what we’ve been taught. In our society, we’re taught either directly or indirectly that emotions are uncomfortable, that they are wild and unpredictable, and that we need to control them better.

Human Design steps in to show us that there are fairly predictable patterns to our emotions and that when we understand those patterns, we can better navigate our emotional landscape.

Before we can talk about grief emotions through the lens of Human Design, let’s first take a minute to understand the current landscape of grieving in the Western world.

Grief, we seem to believe, should be neat and tidy, move through the five steps identified by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (this is actually a common misconception that she was writing about grief for the surviving, but these steps are actually about the grief that the dying person experiences) – in order no less, and that we should be back to work in 3-5 days at most, bringing our A game.

If only!

Well, actually, scratch that. I don’t truly believe that is ideal.

Why, you might ask.

Well, for one, it’s important to connect to how we feel at any given moment. Our emotions are giving us feedback from our bodies that we are not okay. Something is off in our world, and it’s okay to pause and reflect upon it. (Excluding those who have experienced trauma that keeps them from connecting safely to their body)

Stuffing our emotions into a knapsack that we carry around for the rest of our lives is a heavy burden. It eventually becomes a burden to those around us too, when we can’t manage it on our own, refuse to look at it, and explode at others, projecting or pointing blame.

When we connect to our emotions, we connect to our bodies. Considering that we spend most of our time (generally speaking) operating from the neck up, disconnected from our bodies, most of us have no frigging clue what is happening in our bodies, let alone our emotions. We just know that we feel things that aren’t comfortable, and we want them to go away.

Connecting to our body and emotions allows us to move that energy rather than allowing it to stick. When it sticks and doesn’t get looked at again, it will bide its time, waiting patiently for us to pay attention. When we don’t acknowledge it, illness or injury can show up to let us know that our body and, therefore, our emotions need some attention.

How does Human Design fit into all of this?

Human Design allows us to understand how we process and relate to emotions within ourselves and in response to others.

If you are someone who has a defined Emotional Solar Plexus, then you are constantly moving through at least one emotional wave all day and night long. You can’t do anything to stop it, nor should you try. This is a natural process and is just a part of how you are designed—no need to fight it. In fact, the more you learn to understand it and work with it, the easier life gets emotionally.

Here's what you need to know about grief + defined Emotional Solar Plexus (ESP)

1. You have a natural cycle that you are always moving through with highs, lows, and everything in between.

2. You will sometimes feel low and want to find the cause of it. There isn’t always a direct cause. Sometimes you’ll just feel low. And that’s okay. There is nothing you need to do about it unless you get stuck there and cannot come out of it for an unusual amount of time for you. Seek professional support if you feel this is abnormal.

3. Sometimes you’ll feel high in your wave and like everything is wonderful and want to identify what caused it so that you can repeat it, like every day. That’s not sustainable, and besides, how boring would life be without the ebbs and flows? We must touch the darkness to appreciate the light.

4. Touching the pain and the sadness gives you compassion for others and, if you allow it, for yourself for what you’ve lost.

5. Don’t make big decisions when you’re at the low or the high of your wave, especially in grief.

6. Learn to say, “When do you need an answer by?” or “I’ll have to sit with this and get back to you.” Give yourself the gift of time when possible.

7. You’ll feel more reactive than usual. You not only have an emotional wave you move through, but you also feel things in response to internal or external stimuli.

8. Get curious when emotions come up that you don’t expect or that feel different. What are they trying to tell you? Do you need to:

   1. Move your body?

   2. Talk to someone?

   3. Write your feelings in a journal?

   4. Have an energy work session?

   5. Create art? Dance?

   6. Ask for a hug?

   7. Go for a walk?

What are your body and your emotions asking you for? What release does it need?

Here's what you need to know about grief + undefined Emotional Solar Plexus (ESP)

1. You will feel your emotions in response to internal and external stimuli, AND you will feel the emotions of those around you.

2. You need time away from the auric space of others (including phone, text, and Zoom) to allow yourself to be with your body and your emotions and feel what is yours and let go of what is not.

3. You can love someone dearly and not want to be around them when you’re grieving if their emotions feel too big or they don’t know how to take responsibility for them. And it’s okay. You can also learn to put emotional boundaries in place in difficult situations to be supportive and then take them down later and process your emotions.

4. You need to find ways to release and move the emotions through you, whether yours or those that you’ve picked up from others.

   1. If you have a defined Sacral Center, move your body enough that it feels physically tired.

   2. If you have an undefined Sacral Center, move your body gently in a way that feels good to you, or perhaps in a more visceral way, but not to the point of exhaustion–just until you feel a release.

5. Emotions between two people with undefined ESPs can ping-pong back and forth between each other until one of you realize and calls it, or you take a break from one another and move into different rooms or spaces to get some distance.

6. If you know you and another person both have undefined ESPs, consciously make a choice to practice having alone time and make a habit of dropping other people’s emotional energy at the door.

Emotions in grief can feel more intense, they can feel like you’re riding a roller coaster, and it’s a normal grief experience. No one can tell you how you should move through grief, as it’s an individual process.

Emotions cause us to go through mutations, a metamorphosis that evolves us into a new, more understanding, compassionate version of ourselves. Every grief you experience allows you an opportunity to evolve into a deeper, richer version of yourself, understand the human condition, empathize with others, and have more compassion.

If you’re struggling with grief emotions, I offer one-on-one grief coaching sessions, or you can get on the list to be notified of my next grief group here.