Why do I know exactly what to do and still not do it? | Gate 32

Transcript:

Aypril Porter (00:02)
You’ve known the next step for months. You just haven’t taken it. Hey friend, I’m Aypril Porter and this is The Heretical Heart Podcast. And we’re in Gate 32 this week. I’ve been calling this the writer’s block gate. So we’re still walking through the gates of the Spleen, and this week the Sun moves into Gate 32, which is Duration, the Gate of Continuity. So Gate 32 knows what needs to happen next. It can sense what will last and what will fall apart before it’s built.

It’s the instinct that says that this is the step, this is the preparation, and this is what the thing needs to survive.

And like every gate in the Spleen, it carries a fear. So here, the fear is the fear of failure. So imagine it’s 11:40 on a Tuesday night. Your document’s open, you know exactly what goes in it. You’ve known for months. Your hand is on the trackpad, and you check your email instead. Then the weather, then maybe Instagram, and then back to the document, where the cursor is blinking in the same spot it was blinking yesterday. Or it goes the other way.

You can see the whole thing so clearly that waiting feels ridiculous. So you launch it at one in the morning with the sales page half built and the checkout button going nowhere, and by breakfast you’re refreshing your inbox for a yes that isn’t coming. Or maybe it’s the manuscript that lives in a folder called Final, Version 7. You open it on a Sunday morning with your coffee, change “whispered” back to “said,” and close it again. A friend asks how the book’s going, and you hear yourself say, “It’s almost there.” Same as you said two summers ago.

All three of those are Gate 32, and plenty of us rotate through all of them. That’s why I call it the writer’s block gate. Not because you have nothing to say, but because you can already picture it landing wrong, and that’s enough to keep the page blank or keep it in revision forever.

Aypril Porter (02:01)
Here’s what’s underneath it. The fear isn’t really about the thing failing. It’s about what failing would say about you, whether you still get to be the capable one, the one who has it handled, the one everyone else leans on. And for a lot of us, that identity has been holding up the whole house for decades. Of course you guard it. Gate 32 doesn’t ask you to be fearless. It asks for time. An idea has to sit with you long enough to show you what it actually is.

But sitting with it is different from hiding it. Rush it out the door and you get a thinner version. Revise it forever, and nobody ever gets to be changed by it.

Aypril Porter (02:43)
So you open the document, you type one ugly sentence, it isn’t the right one, you leave it there anyway, and the cursor finally moves. So if you have Gate 32 defined in your chart, you know this one in your bones. And if it’s open or undefined, you’re borrowing it this week, and it may feel louder than usual. So let’s walk through the week day by day. Tuesday, October 13th is line one, Conservation. What’s actually worth protecting?

So notice what you hold on to because it’s earned its place and what you hold on to out of habit.

Aypril Porter (03:21)
Wednesday, October 14th is line two, Restraint. This is the pull to push before timing is right. So holding back today is not the same thing as giving up. Thursday, October 15th, we’re in line three, Lack of Continuity. Basically, it’s “I’ll think about it” on repeat. Something may wobble or fall through, but let it show you what wasn’t built to last.

And then Friday, October 16th, we’re in line four, Right is Might. So you’re digging into your position. Check whether you’re standing firm because it’s true or because it feels safer than changing your mind. Saturday, October 17th, we’re in line five, Flexibility. Adapting without losing your center. What you’ve been preserving for yourself may be ready to serve more than just you.

And then finally, Sunday, October 18th, we’re in line six, Tranquility. The calm that comes when you stop needing to know exactly how it turns out before you begin.

Aypril Porter (04:38)
So here’s the catch with Gate 32. You can’t think your way out of it. You can list every reason it isn’t ready yet, whether it’s the manuscript, the business, the price increase, the class you keep meaning to teach, or the conversation you’ve rehearsed in the shower for a year. Then the list turns into one more round of preparing.

This is what The Sovereign Unmasking is built for.

Aypril Porter (05:10)
It’s one-on-one for a three-month minimum, and that’s deliberate because duration is the whole lesson of this gate. A single breakthrough feels electric on Tuesday and is gone by Friday.

And three months is long enough to catch the exact moment you reach for one more revision, name what you’re really protecting, and do the damn thing anyway. Your chart shows us where to look, but the real work is on the identity that’s been holding it back. That’s the part of you that has to stay the capable one and can’t risk being seen trying. Somewhere in those three months though, the first person sees it. Maybe it’s your grandma, a publisher, your first client, your sister on the other end of that phone call.

Who it is doesn’t matter. When you’ve been stuck, the first step is the one that counts. Details are on my website, ayprilporter.com, and I’ll drop a link below in the show notes. Now I want to hear from you. Which one is yours this week? The blinking cursor? The 1 a.m. launch? I’ve been guilty of that myself.

Aypril Porter (06:19)
Or Final, Version 7. Tell me in the comments wherever you’re listening.

Aypril Porter (06:33)
Next week the Sun moves into Gate 50, another gate of the Spleen. This one’s about values, who you feed, what you tend, and with the holidays coming up it gets real dynamic. So follow the show so it lands in your feed, and we’ll talk about that next week. Talk soon, friend.