What does it mean to hold space?
Holding space is a term that is commonly used when we’re either giving or receiving compassionate care. Each person may experience holding space differently.
For me, it is like taking an extension cord and plugging it into your heart from mine or vice versa. It is the act of allowing the other person's essence to be seen, heard, felt, and fully present.
Holding space allows us to be with all of the other person. The “good,” the “bad,” the “ugly,” and everything in between. It allows us to be in this compassionate space without judgment, without agenda, and without expectation.
We are just here together, experiencing what it is like to be the other. To allow the other to feel safe to drop further into the truth of who they are and allow you to witness it.
It is being at the same pace as the person you’re holding space for. If they are silent, you are silent. If they want to talk, you listen. When they need to share more but don’t know how, you ask an open question with genuine curiosity that allows them to reach deeper into themselves and bring what they need to share to the surface.
Holding space requires that I drop any ideas I might have of how the conversation might go, be willing to pivot on a moment’s notice, not think about the past or the future but be here right now with them, and not anticipate what they will say next.
It requires that I continue to do my work. Through coaching, therapy, journaling, energy work, or other forms of support, to make sure that I keep my being as clear and grounded as possible.
Though I am human, and there are moments when holding space that I slip from this deeply sacred space, I can feel it and know to course correct it.
All it takes is coming back to the now.
There is intuition that is guiding me to be with the person I’m holding space for. Sensing what they need, how they need it, and then asking them if that is true for them. Never assuming I know best, but honoring their ability to have agency in whatever capacity they are able.
It means turning toward the hard stuff with them rather than away.
It means having compassion without pity.
It means understanding their position without making it about me.
How do we hold space for others?
Do our own work. Go to coaching, therapy, or energy healers and uncover your own wounds so that you are not triggered by what others are sharing with you.
Learn to listen more than talk. Holding space is not about sharing what you know. It’s about being fully present and so in the moment that the moment before and after doesn’t exist.
Seeing through the surface of behavior, habits, and history to the heart and soul of the other person.
Being deeply compassionate and understanding the difference between compassion, empathy, and sympathy.
Not trying to fix the other person.
Empower them with their own voice and allow them to make the choices that are correct for them – even when, or especially when, you don’t agree.
Knowing when you’re feeling triggered, either positively or negatively, and kindly excusing yourself to get the support you need so that you can come back and hold space in a way that doesn’t bring your stuff with you.
Knowing what is within your wheelhouse to hold space for. What conditions, situations, and feelings are you unable to hold space for?
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